


Frustrations of a Closeted Teenage Girl

by Soursoda



Category: Kagerou Project
Genre: Depression is also sorta discussed/mentioned a bit, F/F, Internalized Homophobia, Sexuality Crisis, takane is a baby gay w a lot of feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-13 04:14:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12975654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soursoda/pseuds/Soursoda
Summary: Takane sits in an empty classroom and mopes about her sexuality crisis and her feelings for another girl.





	Frustrations of a Closeted Teenage Girl

**Author's Note:**

> for more kagerou gays content follow me on tumblr @dykekido

Takane fiddled with her headphones cord, twisting the black string around her left index and pointer finger, binding the two together. The head gear itself sat comfortably around her neck. She wasn’t, surprisingly, in the mood to listen to music at.

Actually, wasn’t in the mood for anything these days, really. Narcolepsy aside, which already tormented her life daily and made it nearly impossible to feel at ease, she’d been forced to explore her… Ugh, it was too embarrassing, honestly. A complete and utter cliché. Here she was, a teenage girl, sitting in an empty classroom, fretting over her sexuality of all things!

Recently, she had begun to realize that she didn’t like Haruka at all. Well, ‘at all’ was a stretch. Sure, she enjoyed his company tremendously, he was one of her only friends she had ever been able to maintain, and he never gawked at her for her sudden blackouts (which only lasted seconds, really, people overreact too much) or shitty attitude (it was hard to stay positive when she felt like her life was being overtaken by her symptoms). However, she used to believe she was… 

“I still can’t believe it,” she muttered to herself, tugging the wire off her fingers. She slid her headphones over her ears and dug angrily through her backpack, attempting to retrieve her phone.” I can’t fucking believe it, this can’t be right at all!” 

What was she even going to listen to? She leaned back in her chair, glaring up towards the ceiling, as if it was responsible for her suffering. Maybe she could search up some bullshit like,’ Songs to listen to when you suddenly realized you redirected all your insecurities with your sexuality towards your best friend and convinced yourself you were in love with him.’ 

That’d be great. 

She could hardly admit to herself this situation was even happening. When did she even notice it wasn’t real in the first place? It had to be when she met that girl. It had to. They barely got to talk to each other yet all she had dreamt about that week was the soft, dream-like smoothness of her voice and how well that bright shade of red clad around her neck complimented her tawny, beige skin. 

Honestly, she wished she could remove Shintaro and Haruka from their first encounter. The idea of the two of them, hidden behind the dark curtain they had set up for their booth, bathed in the blue light from their game's loading screen, meeting eyes and maybe holding hands had wedged itself in her mind. It would’ve been so romantic. 

But they just had to be there. 

Flipping through the music she had downloaded on her phone, she increasing became frustrated with her limited options. It seemed all she had was video game soundtracks and songs about total sob stories. Gross. She was gross. 

She glanced towards the clock on the wall, steadily ticking away without a care in the world. She should go home soon, she knew her grandmother would be so worried, waiting eagerly for her return. Tutoring ended almost an hour ago and she was sitting alone in the empty building like a total repressed creep. 

It’d be so lame for her to mope around in her room, though, because all she would do is kick her game controllers and empty bottles of meds around on the floor, bury herself in her sheets and wish for this all to be a sick joke. Honestly, that’d worry her poor grandmother even more. 

People always worried about her, though. Being a stupid gay teenager with feelings for one of her best friends wasn’t the worst of it. But it was so stupidly frustrating. She was just adding onto the growing list of issues that set her apart from being a normal high school student. 

But… She was sure they’d be accepting. Maybe. If she ever had the confidence to- well, first she had to decided if she really was- 

“This is so fucking stupid!” she blurted out, placing her phone on the edge of her desk and tugging her headphones off to smack her head down into her desk with a loud, echoing thump.” I can’t be in love with her. I’m in love with Haruka!” 

But she knew she was lying to herself, of course. She was pretty sure Haruka himself was dealing with his own internalized homophobia, and she only hoped he wouldn’t ever dare to fall for that sick, perverted freak Shintaro. She’s glanced over at Shintaro’s phone once when he thought no one was looking. Disgusting. 

With the side of her face pressed against the polished wood of her desk, she stared across the room towards the windows. They were hidden behind curtains and shelves filled with odd fish skeletons and other things that their teacher continued to waste their classes budget on. She realized, suddenly, that she was trying to hide. 

Oh, god, she really was trying to hide. She was ashamed of herself and her feelings. It was so cheesy and awful and cliché. 

Well, it didn’t need to be that way. She picked herself up, grabbing her cell phone from the corner of her desk. She honestly was already sick of this whole sexuality crisis she was facing, but sitting in the dark and screaming profanities to herself wasn’t getting her anywhere. 

She could do what she usually did: rant to Haruka. She shouldn’t be afraid to complain about her feelings for another girl with a guy who was obviously a closeted gay man himself.

Yeah, she’ll do that. Maybe. She stared at the keyboard on her phone, the previous messages she shared with Haruka displayed in blue and grey textboxes, and she felt ashamed again. 

She wasn’t ready. He’d be kind and understanding, of course, and maybe her coming out would help him accept himself as well, and yet… She couldn’t do it. She clicked her phone off. 

Readjusting her headphones around her neck, she stuffed her phone back into her bag and slung the straps over her left shoulder. It was embarrassing and she wished she’d realized these feelings sooner. However, she thought, she had a lot of time to sort through them. 

There was a picture in her mind, of the girl of her dreams standing on the school's roof during lunch, her usual scarf dancing along in the wind with strands of her beautiful, dark hair. Her cheeks lightly dusted with pink, her eyes a deep, beautiful shade of brown. She could feel her soft, warm hands wrapped around her own rough, cool fingers. She wanted the courage to tell her how she felt. 

Baby steps, she reminded herself. Coming out to Haruka would come first. 

Yeah, coming out to Haruka would come first. 

She took a deep breath, her fist balled tightly around her backpacks strap, and she gave herself a little nod. She was a depressed, gay teenage girl with narcolepsy and there wasn’t a single thing wrong with it.

**Author's Note:**

> she’s gay dude lol 
> 
> this was fun to write very vent-y also i have that thing where i can’t recgonzie words or letters rigjt so if theres any typos hmu
> 
> maybe ill write a cheesy coming out story xoxo


End file.
